Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Love or Love of first sight

I wrote on 7th July 1967.

"Love is the gift given by God .Enjoy it. All are not so lucky."

"Virtue should be the aim and end of every life
All Else is Vain
Duty should be it's dearest friend
If higher life it would attain."

"We go to marriage or to death
At determined time and place.
We are her plaything, She blows us
where She lists in space.'

"So frank and noble that the eye,
was loth to quit that sun browned face
She look and looked then gave a sigh,
And slackened suddenly her pace,
What was the meaning; was it love
Love at first sight , as the Poets sing"

9th March 1968

I am not able to distinguish between love and passion. Love should be unselfish. Passion may be selfish.Love should be dutiful. Passion does not understand duty or responsibility. Is it true? If it is then why does a man love his wife after marriage?Why do you want good qualities in opposite sex? Why do you want to marry rich man or woman? How can love beget after marriage? After selecting your partner for your personal gains that can not be love. Love can not be selfish. People love each other due to their selfish gains and then they call it love. It can not be love. It may be contractual living for selfish gains or interest.
Love does not calculate money. Love does not see caste, race, size, facial cuts, hairs, qualifications, family. Passion in the form of marriage see these qualifications. Love is natural. Heart of a man beats rapidly when he sees the girl in sexy dress. It is not love. It is passion. It generates sexual feeling in a man. When heart of a man beats due to grace of a lady, due to polite talk of a girl, then it is love. It is love because it is not due to selfish interest. It is due to appreciation. It is due to brain power. It is not due to physical power. So this is the difference between love and passion. Passion creates feeling of love and sex also. When you want to sacrifice your life for one sight of your beloved person then it is love. Such a sacrifice is known as part of love. If it is true love then it will succeed. It will over rule every part of life. Love is immortal. Love can bring life from the jaws of death back to universe. God also loves those who love and love truly.
I saw her again. I know nothing about her. I want to see her again and again. I may call it one sided love. I never had courage to talk to her. I enjoyed her company. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to see her. I was mad about her. But destiny had some thing else for me. I know that world is selfish. Parents are selfish. Children are selfish. Leaders are selfish. Government is selfish. I know she does not coincide with my ideology. I wanted Doctor Wife who may earn and I may spend my time to work for unity of the world or serve others. She is not Doctor. Love is staking , stumbling. My aim is over powering my emotions. I see so many faces. I meet so many girls. Why She? I can not proceed forward. She may be hesitant. She may be also fearing. Love which may be in starting stage can be crushed with the fastness of time. Time heals and one forgets. This is law of Nature. Love is so nice. You can spend complete night in remembering your love. You may cry for her. But once time has passed and you have missed that opportunity then it is very difficult to get back.

I came to know her name. Her father was General Manager in C.T.U. I loved her . I used to feel good after seeing her , after talking to her. I told her about the visit of her father to our college and remarked that he is a great man.
Once She and I appeared in a test. I got 37and half. Madam was checking her copy. I also stood near her and wanted to check her numbers. I told that You got less marks. I was secretary of French Certificate course in Punjab University. I counted her marks and left, as I felt it is not necessary to stay for a longer time. It may give bad impression. Next day she was angry. She told that I thought you were helping me . I wanted to meet her father. I knew some one who could take me to her house. But soon I realized that I am in love. I may forget my aim. My Aim is more important. I must work hard to complete my aim. Still love over powered me. I asked her about her studies. What will she like to do? What does she think about working girl? I thought I shall marry her. She is from a good family. Her nature is good. She is beautiful. I thought that if she shall work then I shall marry.
Why am I writing all these thoughts? It keeps record of events and time. It tells me that time has gone and you did all this and It may be very enjoyable during my old age. I shall study my all thoughts and shall enjoy all this.
Idea to work for Unity of the World is deep rooted in me. I feel I am helpless. I shall cease my interest for living, if I do not achieve my aim. More I am delaying my aim, more firm determination I am getting to do hard work. I want to sacrifice all my life for this. I am convinced that I am not sacrificing my love but it is some power which is taking me away from my love.
So Love is not selfish for personal gains. Love is also not that blind. Love gives you inspiration to work hard and hard for your aim. If your aim is for the welfare of society then love shall help you to achieve that aim which is good for every one. So love is sacrifice. Love is very powerful. Love is above all. One can never forget her love. Love is pure as God. Love is power. Love can never be selfish. Love begets love.
To day I am 60. I found that I failed. I failed to get my love. I failed to be with some one who loved me. I failed to achieve my aim . I never thought of money. So I failed to be a rich man. I failed and I failed in most of my dreams. I do not know why? Perhaps I lived in my dreams. I never had guts to rebel. I never wanted to annoy my father or mother . I tried to get what I could not get. Opportunities were plenty. I missed always. So my best wishes to persons who could get their first love. It must be a great feeling to live togeather. But one has to go first. It may be great loss to loose whom you love the most.

No comments: