These years failed me. I was thinking about my aim to unite the world. But I did not do any work for my aim. I wanted to leave my home or parents and wanted to work for my aim. I compromised with my father. I did not want to hurt him as he told me " When I was child, my father died. When I am old , I shall think that my son died." He said when I wanted to leave home and wanted to go to Calcutta or Bombay from Delhi. But his emotional words stopped me to leave home. I feel today he was right. He must be knowing that his son is a good person. He shall be exploited by crooked people. So he tried to stop me with emotions. I came under his influence. So I did not leave him but I left India to study more. I went to Germany. I studied German Language in Max Mueller Bhavan Poona . It must be period from February 1970 to August 1970. In October I went to Germany.
When I read my books written by me during those days, I only find that I wanted to work for Unity of the World. I wanted to help. In actual practice nothing happened. I only wrote and wrote. I worked to earn my livelihood and earned money to study. Time just passed. One year , second year and third year and so next years. Only good part of this study was that I could pass my later life successfully without much to worry about money. Due to my Ideology I worked hard and wanted to help others. When ever I was in a position to help as Managing Director or Chief Executive of a Brewery, I helped poor workers and families of prostitutes by giving them jobs in a brewery. I gave equal salary to Men or Women for the same work. Men objected but I paid equal salary. I gave special incentives to workers who married interstate opposite sex. I tried to work without earning more money. It helped the society. Sick Brewery could be converted to a healthy unit. Due to my Ideology I could develop village near by this brewery. During study in Germany I could understand the difference of capitalistic country and socialistic country. I as Indian could meet East Berlin People. I could cross the national boundaries. I could meet East Berlin people. I met Fraulein Lilo. I could know two different system of national governess. Capitalistic or Socialistic.
Fact remains that I failed to achieve my aim. I could not work to unite the people or I could not teach for the unity of the world. I had to earn money to live and study. I worked and earned and earned so much which was just sufficient to study and live. I could read books on Mao. Maoists were considered more left oriented then Marxists or Leninist. I could not work for unity of the world. Time just passed. I failed and regret. I feel bad about me , about my sacrifice of love and my love. Later on I just lived and there was no aim. There was no desire and no feeling in me. It helped my master but It did not help me. I earned and just passed my time. I was lucky to have good job. But i failed. I came in contact with senior IAS officers like Jainder Singh, Deepak Panwar or Ashok Kumar Goel or Malkundayya . I came to know about administration. I came in contact with masses and different politicians including chief ministers of Andhra Pradesh like N.T.Rama Rao.
But I failed. I failed because my aim did not employ me or give me money. I wanted money to earn or to live. So I failed. Today I know it was due to Sani Planet, Budha Planet, Ketu Planet. We are only puppets in the hand of destiny. I missed my golden period of life. I could have enjoyed the company with whom one may like to live or die together. I failed in my aim and I failed in my love and I lost my life. I just passed my life.